He was three years old in his Grandma’s house
And the treasures were something to see.
But the best of all were the kitchen shelves
That he just couldn’t manage to reach.
So, when she heard that chair scrapin’ cross the floor,
Granny crept in the kitchen through the swingin’ door,And with crumbs on his face and his fingers too
He said, “I was gettin’ a cookie for you!” Uh huh.
It doesn’t matter if you’re three or if you’re fifty-four,
It doesn’t matter if you went through the window or door,
It doesn’t matter if you’ve got a photogenic face,
It doesn’t matter if the media is on your case,
It doesn’t matter what you say or what you think you are –
You got stuck with your hand in the cookie jar.
Uh huh.
He’s in the Senate at the witness desk,
His lawyers whispers in his ear.
He leans well into the microphone
To make sure that everybody can hear.
“Now, Senator, you know that I’m an honest man.
I served this country every way I can.
People of the nation, you know it’s true
That I was only gettin’ a cookie for you.
Uh huh.
It doesn’t matter if you’re three or if you’re fifty-four,
It doesn’t matter if you went through the window or door,
It doesn’t matter if you’ve got a photogenic face,
It doesn’t matter if the media is on your case,
It doesn’t matter what you say or what you think you are –
You got stuck with your hand in the cookie jar.
Uh huh.
You’ve got corporations raiding pension funds.
There’s oil profiteers galore.
There’s no-bid contract lobbyists
Making money off-a somebody’s war.
You’ve got politician’s preaching their doom and gloomWhile they’re sneakin’ in the pantry in the other room.
Ain’t it nice to know when the day is through
That somebody’s gettin’ a cookie for you.
Uh huh.
It doesn’t matter if you’re three or if you’re fifty-four,
It doesn’t matter if you went through the window or door,
It doesn’t matter if you’ve got a photogenic face,
It doesn’t matter if the media is on your case,
It doesn’t matter what you say or what you think you are –
You got stuck with your hand in the cookie jar.
Uh huh.
(Spoken between “Uh huh” while vamping…)
“The kids love that dog and we’re gonna keep it. (Nixon, Checkers Speech, paraphrased)
“Mistakes were made.” (Reagan, Iran/Contra)
“It all depends on what the meaning of the word “is ” is.” (Clinton, Monica Lewinsky testimony)
“Mission accomplished!” (G.W. Bush, speech at “end of major combat operations, Operation Iraq Freedom
“I said, “Thanks, but no thanks to that bridge to nowhere.” Sarah Palin VP stump speech.
“That <bleep>ing seat is worth a <bleep> load of money!” Govenor Rod Blagojevich.
“You lie!” (Representative Joe Wilson, Sep. 2009)
“It’s only 5000 barrels a day!” (B.P. Oil, May 2010)