You want to play the bodhrán? Then you’d better get used to being poked fun at… There are a million bodhrán player jokes out there, and every Irish musician and bar fly will know one or two at the very least. Pray that your hide is thicker than the drum’s. Even in the dictionary, the poor bodhrán finds itself the brunt of yet another musical joke.
Definitions from Foclóir Póca (English – Irish, Irish – English Dictionary):
- bodhrán 1 baura:n deaf person; dullard
- bodhrán 2 baura:n winnowing drum; kind of tambourine
Definitions from Wordsmith – Word A Day
pariah (puh-RI-uh) noun. An outcast. [From Tamil paraiyar, plural of paraiyan, drummer, people considered lower in rank in the former caste-system of India.]
So, here’s a list of many of the bodhrán jokes I’ve collected over the years. Study them. Get them under your belt. Be the first one to drag one out and the last one still telling them when the others cry “Uncle!” and get back to playing music.
How do you know a bodhrán player is at your door?
The knocking keeps getting faster and faster, and he doesn’t know when to come in.
What’s the difference between a bodhrán and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up a bodhrán.
What’s the best tipper to use to play a bodhrán?
A pen knife.
What do you call that annoying groupie who hangs around with musicians?
A drummer.
On the west coast of Ireland, the bodhrán’s usually made from the skin of a sheep or a goat… a baaaaaaadhrán.
In Dublin, it is sometimes made from the skin of a dog, and then it’s called… a bow-wow-rán. (Bah-dump-DUM! Ching!)
What do you call a bodhrán player without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
What do you call a bodhrán player with a pager?
An optimist.
A fella comes ’round the pub taking up a collection. “Spare a pound?” he asks the folks at the bar. “What’s it for?” one of them asks. “Oh, the bodhrán player died and we’re taking up a collection to bury him.” The guy at the bar shoves a couple of pounds in the hat. “Here,” he says, “bury two.”
How many bodhrán players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
It doesn’t matter… one more will always show up.
How do you know the stage is level?
The bodhrán player’s drooling out of both sides of his mouth.
It’s called a bodhrán.. rhymes with moron. (Actually, it doesn’t. See pronunciation guide.)
A bodhrán player, a banjo player, and a bagpipe player jump out of an airplane without parachutes. Which one hits the ground first?
Who cares?
A bodhrán player is explaining the construction of his drum to a tourist. “This part here,” he says, “is made of wood. And this part that I beat on… well, I don’t know what it is.” The tourist says, “Skin?” The bodhrán player shakes his head, “No, s’no kin o’mine.”
“Leather….” says the tourist. “Fair to partly cloudy, but it could mist up any time,” says the bodhrán player.
Exasperated, the tourist shouts, “Hide! Hide! The cow’s outside!” The bodhrán player shakes his head and takes another sip of beer. “Why? Who’s afraid of a bloody cow?”
Fellow walks into a pub in Belfast with a plastic bag under his arms. The bartender asks “What’s that?”
“Six pounds of semtex,” he answers.
“Thanks be to Jaysus; I thought it was a bodhrán!”
Then there was the bodhrán player who remembered that he had left his bodhrán in his unlocked car. Rushing back, he opened his car door to find two more bodhráns in the back seat.
A bodhran player was sick of the band abusing him, and decided to start his own. He walked into a music shop, planning to buy the first instruments he saw. “Give me the red saxophone and that accordion!”, he said.
The assistant said, “You play the bodhrán, don’t you?”
“That’s right. Why?”
“Well, the fire extinguisher I can sell you – but the radiator stays.
What is the difference between a bodhrán player and a terrorist?
Terrorists have sympathizers.
What’s the difference between a bodhrán and a trampoline?
You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.
Bodhrán care is simple… Rub gently with lighter fluid and ignite.
What is the difference between a dead bodhran player lying in the road and and a dead rabbit lying in the road?
The rabbit might have been on its way to a gig.
Is a bodhrán-player a musician?
Is a barnacle a ship?
Why is a bodhran player like a foot massage?
A foot massage bucks up the feet, whereas…
What do you call a bodhrán player with a broken wrist?
A huge improvement.
Best things to do with a bodhrán:
- Set fire to the hoop and make the player jump through it.
- Roll it over a cliff into the ocean.
- Nail soup can lids around the rim and use it as a tambourine
How is premature ejaculation like a bodhrán solo?
You know perfectly well what’s about to happen, but you can’t do a thing about it.
What do you get when you murder a bodhránist with his own beater?
Tipper Gore.
What’s the difference between a bodhrán player and a drum machine?
You only have to punch the rhythm into the drum machine once.
Why do men make better bodhrán players than women?
Because they have already mastered the wrist movement.
Think of a few good bodhrán jokes while you were reading these?
Send them along to brenda@bsutton.com and I’ll post them here.